Steph Auteri writes about sex, marriage, parenting, and more. And she does it damn well. I’ve had her blog bookmarked for several months now, but she also writes and edits regularly for two of my all-time favorites sites about encounters with men, sex, and relationships (if you don’t read The Frisky or Your Tango, you clearly live under a rock). Here, Steph shares tips about getting organized, divulges her own personal introversion, and explains why not everyone can be a “porntastic sex kitten.”
Why did you begin writing and in what form?
I began writing at a pretty early age. At the age of 5, I penned a lot of awful, awful poetry. I even had a poem called “Beestingphobia,” about my overwhelming fear of bees (I still have my original copy of that one somewhere; pure comedy gold). Even then, I knew that — someday — I wanted to be a published author. And I credit my parents with that. They instilled a love of reading in me early on and, from that, I began to want to create something that others would enjoy reading. I continued to focus on poetry until I hit college, when I slowly switched over to narrative journalism, and the personal essay.
How do you support yourself financially?
I bring in regular income from a number of sources. I’m an assistant editor at YourTango.com, a web magazine featuring content on love and relationships. I go in to the office three days a week. I also edit listings for AOL’s Patch.com, and am writing a sex column for The Frisky. Aside from that, I take on other writing and editing projects when I can (at the moment, I’m co-writing an e-book with sexuality counselor and published author Ian Kerner), and I’ve also launched my own career coaching practice, focused on the publishing industry.
What’s the strangest or most surprising thing you’ve ever written?
Surprising? I don’t know. Strangest? When I was doing sex toy reviews for Lemondrop, I had a lot of fun with my Sexerciseball review, definitely the strangest product I’ve ever had the pleasure to try.
Steph's cat, Gizmo
What’s the one resource or inspiration piece you couldn’t write without?
THIS IS SUCH A HARD QUESTION! One resource I like to recommend to people is GQueues. I’m a little bit obsessed with organizational tools, probably because I juggle so many projects. In QQueues, I maintain a variety of “queues.” I have to-do lists. I have lists that contain post ideas for both Freelancedom and LoveMom. I even have a list for my monthly e-newsletter. It’s tough to choose one piece or person or book that inspires me. I’m inspired by word nerd peers like Susan Johnston and Marian Schembari. I’m inspired by super-talented media makers like Audacia Ray. Michelle Goodman’s books on freelancing have also been a huge source of inspiration. All of these people push me to be more awesome.
What’s one thing about writing you absolutely hate?
Starting. Seriously. I’ll stare at a blank page forEVER, trying to come up with the perfect way to lead into a piece. Once I get that down, it flows. And then there’s ending. I am terrible at wrapping things up. Throughout college, and even in the few post-college classes I took, I’ve received the criticism that my endings are too abrupt.
What life lessons has writing taught you?
And Kooshie and Lusa
My writing has taught me that I have something of value to offer others. And this value can be found in my openness and honesty surrounding my own life experiences. I’ve had continuing problems with low self-esteem my entire life. I’ve taken medication for social anxiety. I’m a textbook introvert. Writing has opened me up to connecting with people in a different way, and has definitely brought me out of my shell. I’ll always be socially awkward to some degree. But maybe I’m less socially awkward now?
Do you think writing about sex necessitates a certain kind of personality?
Oh definitely. I mentioned openness and honesty above, and both are crucial to good sex writing. It allows readers to connect with what they’re reading, and makes them feel safer engaging with the piece, and starting a dialogue around it. I also feel that a healthy sense of humor when it comes to the sex is always good. We can’t all be porntastic sex kittens. You have to show that you’re human!
Your blog, Freelancedom, has a tagline, “From bunny slippers to business plans.” What’s that all about?
I brainstormed long and hard to come up with a tagline that would encompass everything I try to offer on Freelancedom. Basically, I wanted to convey that, if you were visiting my blog, you’d be reading a healthy mix of both the personal (stories about the freelance lifestyle itself) and the professional (advice and super-practical how-tos).
You’ve written some really personal, emotional essays (including ones about body and intimacy issues). Can you talk about why you think this “type” of writing is important, and the challenges of putting yourself out there like that?
There’s no question that this type of writing has been therapeutic for me. I feel as if I’ve been approaching the same topics over and over from different angles my entire career. What I find even more important, though, is the benefit to the reader. I find that many people are unwilling and unable to reveal these parts of themselves and, as a result, many people go through life feeling that they are isolated and alone in their experiences. In some cases, they feel ashamed. Over time, I’ve received a number of comments and e-mails thanking me for my writing. These readers tell me that it’s good to know they’re not alone… that they’re grateful someone is writing about that topic… that they wish more people were creating content that allowed them to build a dialogue around that universal-but-barely-talked-about experience. These comments give me the warm fuzzies. And make me cry. Because I’m an emotional nut job.
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